Rear view of three family members in pose of lotus on summer day
For the last 7 months, I have been attending the monthly Enlightened Parenting workshop conducted by Ma Rishi Advait, Head of Enlightened Education of Nithyananda Gurukul, Bangalore in India. This workshop came from the immense compassion of a living incarnation, Paramahamsa Nithyananda to help parents understand the “Space of a Child” so that they can bridge the communication gap with their children. The essence of Enlightened Parenting is to create an awareness among conscious parents to hold a space of possibilities for their child’s flowering without the interference of their conditioning and patterns. The Enlightened Parenting workshop forms a part of his grand vision in creating an enlightened civilisation by infusing the right knowledge and practical tips to modern parents. He said that “My hope lies only on the next generation. The next generation should become the new generation.” Every month Ma Rishi Advait shares some of the most mind-blowing Vedic wisdom that not only solves many of the modern-day parenting struggles we face but most importantly it teaches parents to get into the space of a child.
I can say that this extraordinary workshop fundamentally changed my parenting approach and my relationship with my son. Now it is such a beautiful communion at the Being level where pure love, innocence and possibilities blossom, literally I experience him as a divine being. Every parent should experience this space because when a child is able to stay in this space, he/she will be happy, loving, balanced and creative.
Below are the top 10 stunning revelations which I embraced from the Enlightened Parenting workshops that I would like to share with parents or anyone who works with children.
Tip #1 – Understand the Space of a Child
Do you know that from birth till 7 year-old, a child lives in a beautiful space called Space of a Child? They live in a space of solutions where there is no mental processing like planning, judging or thinking. They just download like an internet connection whenever they need the information. This is such a beautiful space to be in as it is a space of huge possibilities. In this space, the child relates with the outer world through pure listening and they simply respond from the space of emptiness and innate intelligence. If children are able to tap into this natural intelligence, they will be in the space of expansion cognition and ultimate possibility. By keeping them in the space of a child, they reside in an enlightened consciousness even after puberty. They will not develop patterns of suffering, meaning, they live a pattern-less life and they will be healthy, blissful and creative. As parents, we should be mindful not to destroy their body, mind and space, instead we should hold the space of possibility for our child and see him/her as a genius of huge possibilities. The biggest click for me is that we, parents need to get into the space of a child instead of taking our child out into the space of adults which many parents do unconsciously. This requires effort of re-learning consciously because the space of a child is something new to us after being disconnected from this space for too long.
Tip #2 – Listening is the door into their space
To step out of the logic and see your child’s space, listening is the key in communication! Whenever we are listening, we are in the space of a child where there is no judging and no processing of the mind. Children learn through pure listening while adults function out of logic and cognition that make their learning less efficient. One big transformation I see within myself is my ability to be in a space of listening again. I realised my listening skill has deteriorated so much after logical thinking has taken over and also due to my unconscious patterns like restlessness after 18 years of working in the corporate world. No wonder adults tend to make more errors than children because the speed of learning amongst adults is drastically reduced due to poor listening. The miraculous shift in power of listening happened after I was initiated into Science of Completion, which is a technique to heal my past hangovers with self and others. The more I free up my inner space from my past, the more I am able to trust listening is life without judging and enjoy my child’s presence.
Tip #3 – Complete with your child and teach them this science
To keep a child in a pattern-less inner space, both parents and child should learn the Science of Completion (Poornatva). A pattern is an action that is unfulfilled as per one’s expectation because of an outside hindrance or an inside hindrance. Since children pick up adult’s space more than the words, so being in the state of completion is very important in dealing with children. This is to ensure that we don’t infuse our patterns in them. It is absolutely important and powerful to do completion every night with your child before sleep. I do this religiously with my son before putting him to bed. It is almost like emptying all the accumulated dust from the whole day and wiping clean his inner space again. First, I would complete with him if I had any incompletion with him and I ask him to remind me if I repeat the same mistake unconsciously again. This gives him fulfilment when I take guidance from him about how to correct myself. Next, I get him to share with me the happenings or incompletions that day by listening to him without judgment. Listening has the power to heal a child and gives him expansion. The night completion moment is also a time I remind him to stand up for himself for all the inauthenticity he carries. This Science of Completion completely blows my mind away because this is the key to relate with not only children and teenagers but literally everyone!
Tip #4 – Don’t possess your child in the name of love
Some parents try to possess their children by living their unfulfilled dreams through them in the name of love. A child is an independent being with independent intelligence, he/she is not an extension of us. Children have taken birth through us as a way of landing in this world of consciousness. Parents should not be overly protective and possessive of their children that they make the children into what they want them to be. As parents, our role is to give them security and unconditional love, be with them and enjoy them while we hold the space of infinite possibilities for them.
Tip #5 – Give facts minus fear and greed
In our generation, we are so conditioned by our parents, schools and society through fear and greed. In fact, fear and greed is such an unconscious pattern in our psyche that it takes a lot of awareness for us not to pass this pattern to the next generation. While giving your child the information about the world, it is important that we consciously avoid attaching our own conditioning in a form of fear or greed to the facts. The child only needs to be told the facts because we should not disturb their pure inner space with fears so that they don’t suffer like adults. Let them form their own cognition about life so that they become an independent thinker. The world needs more dynamic and creative leaders who are also independent thinkers.
Tip #6 – Teach them responsibility
This is one important life lesson that every parent should not miss i.e. teach your child to be responsible for their body, mind and inner space or else they will neglect these aspects of their existence. When it comes to self-care for the body, the first step is to get a child to be responsible for the diet and activities to keep their body healthy. This requires patience when I am explaining to my son the types of food which keep him healthy and I also involve him in the kitchen. In fact, I started teaching him how to cook since he was about 8 years old. Now he is able to cook simple meals by himself without me and he chooses always fresh ingredients that keep his body healthy. I stop forcing him if he doesn’t enjoy certain physical activities. . There are days when my son is not keen to do yoga practice, I allow him to create his own practice with music or we just do it another day. It is better to ask your child what he/she wants to do in terms of activities. Parents must take time to explain to children what they would be missing if they don’t take care of their body. If they develop laziness and lethargy, you find out the activities that interest them and let them enjoy the way they want to expand. When we lose patience in giving the understanding, a child starts to develop an attitude which makes him/her an adult very quickly. The unfortunate thing happens when the whole childhood is destroyed the moment a child starts to have an attitude due to too much thinking. Children should remain life positive as much as possible, instead of being negative towards life. As parents, we should refrain from defining the space for them, instead go on creating possibilities for them. Let them be centered on their heart instead of the mind. Whenever possible, we should encourage new behaviours because new behaviours mean a child is open to new possibilities.
Tip #7 – Awaken your child’s intelligence, passion & creativity
Conscious intelligence is the ability to process beyond the logical brain. In the space of a child, this happens easily for a child just like an internet download because he or she is able to trust the space of possibilities beyond logic. A child is able to connect and see much more than adults as a picture but not in words. Unfortunately, as adults we lost this intelligence since we can’t trust the space. Allow your children to discover their passion and creative expression, we must learn to stretch ourselves to catch up with their passion so that we can continue to hold the space for them. Guide them to their true passion as only with true passion that creativity can flow and bring enormous fulfilment to them.
Tip #8 – Don’t plant idea of self doubt
As parents, we have to make sure we don’t plant any idea of powerlessness to our children so that they continue to live the space of huge possibilities. A child should never be put into a space of powerlessness such as “I am wrong. I am alone. Nobody loves me”. Children do not like being put in a frame, but the moment we introduce self-doubt into them, we force them into a frame. This starts the violence in them. The moment we pull them out of the space of possibility, this is when self-doubt and violence happen. No violence can happen in the space of expansion. We should encourage our child to be in expansion cognition and the space of possibility. Trust your children completely and do not shout at them or constantly take them into the past which takes them away from the present moment. Whenever a child makes a mistake, we just need to help them understand that there is no wrong or failure in life, it is only a space either they are shrinking or they are expanding continuously. There is no wrong in making mistakes, just don’t repeat the same mistake twice, however, it is perfectly fine to make new mistakes. That’s all! Avoid labelling your child as mature, just relate with him/her in a space of a child as adult thinking reduces the space of possibilities
Tip #9 – Keep them away from media
Many parents use media like TV, computer or gadgets as a security reason – to keep their child safe at home or the child is entertained by media so that parents can do their things. But what we don’t realize is that media put a child into delusion, it creates fantasies which takes a child out of the realm of reality. This is by far the greatest challenge for any parents as the Information Age has penetrated into our lifestyle so much that media is a way of life. Only use electronic gadgets as a means to develop expansion cognition where they can catch a space of enlightened consciousness rather than putting them in dullness or delusion. It is also not advisable to keep a child’s mind too occupied by putting him/her through classes after classes of enrichment programs. This gives the wrong pattern that being occupied mentally is the way of life. Instead, it would be better to engage with your child by doing something creative or exploring the Nature and animals.
Tip #10 – Let them be fulfilled with food
Eating is a time where bonding in relationships happens, that’s why food is such an emotional zone for people. When it comes to diet, I explain to my son the types of food and how they work with our energy and consciousness. With the understanding, he can choose his food. One big lesson that I learned from the workshop is – we should not create guilt in them with eating. Let them be fulfilled with food which is the most important. Let them enjoy completely so that they can drop it when need be. Once they understand food is not a pleasure, simply they will drop it easily. Another problem many parents face today is over-eating in children. This happens when kids develop attachment to something or craving for attention. To help them complete with this pattern, parents could start by asking them what they think about normal objects like chair, table etc versus their ideas about food and discover where they are holding incompletions. In children, there should be no incompletions with objects. Everything should be a child’s play for them, they should just enjoy casually and drop it.
The Enlightened Parenting workshop has opened my mind to a new level of consciousness in parenting which allows me to hold a space of infinite possibilities for my son. Dear parents, it is time to evolve the next generation to NEWGEN! Don’t miss the coming Enlightened Parenting workshop on Saturday, 16 November, 3-6 pm! See you there! Namaste 🙂