This week while checking on my 9 y.o. son’s school bag, I discovered an English assignment which he did on “I love you forever”, he wrote this:- “Dear mum, I will love you in the entire space, not even if you scold me, I still love you. Next time, I will always follow you and you are my best mum I ever had. I feel so lucky when my mum cooks yummy food for me. Love, Kai “ This was such an affirmation for the decision I made 3 years ago to quit my corporate life and to spend more time with Kai. The fulfillment within is really sweet.
Like many modern women, I was deeply torn between my career and my desire to be there for my child several years ago. As current day parents, we are often tied up with so many environmental and societal pressures of being attached to work and money in the materialistic pursuits. For the first 6 years of my son’s life, I was a working mum doing a regional job but I was lucky enough to be supported by a trusted domestic caretaker who really took great care of my son. However, we all know that we can’t possibly sub-contract a mother’s responsibilities to an outsider because fundamentally, parents are the first role model of a child and we have the responsibility in giving them the foundation of possibilities.
When a woman feels this crack in her inner space, she naturally carries the heaviness of guilt inside her heart which makes it impossible for her to have fulfilment in her life. If this crack is not addressed, a woman could fall into anxiety and depression. Having struggled through this major cross-road myself, I am glad that I always find the right guidance through spiritual solutions. After all, we are relating with another intelligent spiritual being.
In this article, I would like to share with all mothers as well as women who work with children, the 10 golden lessons that I learnt from my own journey of motherhood. Of course, motherhood is a life-long process, so I can only share whatever I imbibed at this moment. Please only take whatever resonates with you.
- Have kids only if you are willing to take responsibility in nurturing them. I’ve seen many women have children because of societal norms or family pressure. Motherhood should be a conscious decision because a woman needs to know it is a whole new dimension of her life. Indeed, it is a huge responsibility to bring another soul into this world and give guidance to the child with the right understanding about life & its mystery. Fundamentally, the parent is the first and foremost possibility for the child since the child’s first and most prominent wiring of the brain happens in the presence of the parent. So understand fully the zone you are getting into.
- Mothers are natural nurturers. For women, it is in our innate bio-memory that we have the capacity to provide both emotional fulfillment as a mother as well as physical fulfillment as a beloved. This is the feminine consciousness which has been suppressed by society. One of the biggest unfortunate things that happened to human civilization is that women are asked to work and make a living like men, for which they are not created. Women are natural nurturers and have a better role to play on human consciousness; we are living models and examples of intense passive creative life energy for future generations. When women are made to work like men, both the model and the lifestyle of living in highest possibilities are lost. No wonder more modern women are suffering from depression today because we are not hardwired to create infrastructure for society. To have a breakthrough in human civilisation, more women need to have the courage to step out of societal conditioning and honour their innate qualities.
- Let the child be in his/her natural state. Children are born innocent and intelligent, they are born inherently blissful and close to Existence. As a mother, there is no need to be over-protective of the children, instead we should allow them to explore the wonders of nature. It is through exploration that children gain a better understanding of their place in this world. Some parents assume that by giving more attention, children will grow up to be better, stronger, safer and intelligent. What they fail to understand is – unless the child is given the freedom of choice, the child’s possibilities of blossoming into a conscious intelligent being is completely shut down. See freedom in the eyes of the children and create many dynamic experiences which allow them to explore their creativity. Love them unconditionally and believe in them. The innate genius is already present in each child, we just have to bring out the possibilities in them. In the first 6 yrs of a child, their right brain is open. If we provide them with possibilities, they will become very creative and expand their dimensions.
- Stop pushing the unfulfilled desires on your children. As a part of evolution, each generation of human species gets updated. The children of future are creative and spontaneous learners and they know they have infinite possibilities. They are born to be part of a superior civilization, so as a mother, we need to recognise that rather than making them a victim and become one of us.
- Spend time with them and give them security. Many modern mothers are too busy coping with life that they don’t spend enough time with the children. So, the kids are left with no option but to manage time between the tuition/enrichment programmes and electronic gadgets like video and computer games, mobile devices and television. These light-source devices not only reduce their creativity but also increase their negative behaviour. The truth is human intelligence only picks up what is fed from the environment, these media are mostly filled with violence and perversion. From my experience, spending time to know my child is such a sweet space to be. When I am with him, I am totally present, I give him my eyes and ears, let him see I am interested. Fundamentally, it is their space that we need to move into rather than try to move the children into ours.
- Children are to be enjoyed not bossed around. I learnt this truth by relating with my son as my equal – as a conscious soul. We can only talk to a child’s inner space to make them understand who they are and what their purpose of life is. When we give the right understanding, the child listens to everything we tell them as they are in the “being” frame rather than “struggling to form identity” frame. The child realises this freedom and accepts the way we speak rather than resist our words.
- They imbibe parents’ body language. Children are so intelligent that they only trust our body language. By spending lot of time with them, they catch our body language and naturally tuning happens. It is through our body language and secured feeling that they feel connected to us. Let them be around you in different environment, people and activities you do. This gives them a feeling connection which is sufficient to raise them.
- You reap what you sow. If you take your tension, anger and frustration on them, they will come back to you. Children represent the future, so ask yourself – what I want in future I keep in them. If you want love and honesty, the same will come back to you in your old age.
- Be honest in your communication. Honest communication is essential in building a trusting relationship and respect between you and your child. You must be clear about your reasons for setting certain guidelines or actions and you give them to right to respectfully challenge your guidelines and values.
- Enlightened Parenting. It is time we evolve into enlightened parenting which is about bringing up the new age men who can take the civilization to an entirely different plane, thereby producing dynamic future leaders who can create endless possibilities. To do that, as mothers, we must be aware and work for self transformation so that we live our life by radiating the highest conscious coherence. A child will simply imbibe this understanding by your sheer presence.
Namaste.