Life is causeless auspiciousness. All happenings, whether good or bad as we perceive them at that moment, are auspicious expressions of Existence. You may know that we perceive the world through our subjective lens i.e. our mind and past conditioning. Our response to the outer world is a reflection of our inner world. To see the auspiciousness of everything in life, we just have to step out of our logical mind and see it from Existential reality.
When I looked back into my so-called major “setbacks” or “hard knocks” in life, I realised they only made me stronger, wiser and in the end I just had a good laugh at my foolishness. When I sat to pen down, I couldn’t have agreed more to this simple truth. For e.g.:
- At the age of 12, I wanted so badly to get into the branded girls’ secondary school; which was an idea I fantasized at that age. My ego was badly crushed when none of the girls’ schools I chose accepted me despite coming 2nd in position in my class. I tasted my first so-called “depression” in the first week of my secondary school term, feeling everything was bleak and meaningless.
- Through this incident, I had to eat humble pie and bring acceptance to life as it was presented to me. It turned out that my 4-year secondary school life was the most enriching because I had the fortune of meeting many great friends whom I still keep in touch with till today
- By the time I was in my late 20’s, I was hit by a bout of low moods called “depression of success” after having run like a rat for 5 years since graduation. I was too busy acquiring material wealth and status in the outer world but spiritually I was in poverty. I didn’t know – who I am, why I am here for, where I came from and where I am going. The result was occasional irritability, constant restlessness and body aches.
- This suffering prompted me to seek within and align my life instead of running behind the societal conditioning. The depression was a blessing from Existence and it created a new mental setup in me – one that is sensitive towards life, and to see its wonders and unconditional compassion. This seeking led me to discover yoga and I began my spiritual journey of self awareness and self discovery.
- In 2001, I injured my cervical spine (C3,4,5 & 6 vertebrae) while attempting a headstand. Immediately after the fall, the injury caused me to have moments of lapse in my perception which really frightened me to my core. My shoulder and neck suffered regular stiffness and pain which was a big blow to my yoga practice.
- This incident taught me not to teach from the place of ego but from the space of love and compassion i.e. never force students into the postures when they are not ready. I see them as whole without judgment. This really changed my approach in teaching yoga because I realised the importance of developing my students’ perceptual ability and awaken their inner reference system. I become more sensitive and conscious as a teacher.
- Another blow came in 2005 when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 cervix cancer. My son just turned 2 y.o. that year and the thought of leaving him broke my heart. I did a cone-biopsy procedure to remove a part of my cervix. I was told not to have a second child and that I had to monitor for 3 years to ensure no relapse.
- This close-brush with death was a signal from Existence to change some of my old mental patterns that did not serve me. Any disease is a result of certain mental patterns we carry. Whatever baggage I had been carrying all my life, I realised that I needed to bring deeper understanding, let go and transcend them. This yearning brought me to my guru, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. Through the grace of the master, I was healed completely in 2006 and was given a new birth – a yogic body and Vedic mind!
- As I became more in touch with my inner world through intense practice of yoga and meditation, the frustration with an unfulfilling corporate life was becoming too much to bear. I struggled with the comfort of a fat salary versus my desire to reclaim my freedom as a conscious being. I also struggled with my desire to spend more quality time with my practice, my family & my parents who were going through health problems. It was a fight between the evil and the godliness within me. The fear of unknown and the greed for luxury and comfortable lifestyle were tormenting me in my inner space. With the courage and constant inspirations from my guru’s teachings, I jumped out of the rat race in April 2009 in search of fulfilment.
- This turned out to be the best decision I’ve made because I am following my heart instead of my mind. I am living my Swadharma – the life mission I’ve taken up in this birth. I am giving birth to myself with this bold step and the feeling of being alive and at peace with self is such a great joy! I have more time for my spiritual practice, for my family and to help people through sharing with them the science of yoga and healing.
- In March 2010, my beloved guru was illegally framed by a scandal & religious prosecution, a conspiracy by a media mafia in South India. Through out history, all enlightened masters invariably face religious prosecutions because they represent conscious light and the resistance from the darkness (the unconscious) has to happen. They created a morphed video of him in sexual context with a famous actress-devotee. The infamous video created a huge sensation around the world which sent intense fear and internal churning amongst his disciples and followers. Suddenly, everything we held dearly was taken away from us; we were left to stand on our own feet in this crisis.
- Those who lived the guru’s teaching and held on to their spiritual experiences learned the lessons they needed to learn from this episode. This rumour taught me so many invaluable life lessons and spiritual truths which could have taken me many births to internalise. Learning the truths experientially helped me to develop a spiritual strength that is not shaken easily. For months, I lived in total insecurity and I stood firm on my experience and my practice for inner guidance rather than believing what I saw or heard. It was the compassion of the outer guru that made me turned inward to my inner guru, my higher Self for guidance as given by Buddha in his last words before leaving his body “Let you be light unto yourself“. I also learnt that Faith & Doubt are 2-sides of the same mind; surrender to the feet of the master is the only way out. The moment I surrendered both faith & doubt to the Divine, I was liberated from the torture of my mind from this scandal. I just knew the truth.
You too can do this exercise by writing down 10 incidences in your life, and you will notice that everything that happened was auspicious. The truth of Existence is that the whole of Existence is an auspicious happening – everything is causeless auspiciousness “Shivam”. As we are a part of the whole grand play, everything is only a blessing. If we understood this clearly, we can see everything as extraordinary miracle. When we start perceiving them as blessing, our entire life becomes a miracle. We learn to accept and celebrate Existence with all its different dimensions and paradoxes. Everything has a message for us including loss, disease and even death. Death increases our experience of life and gives us a chance to start afresh again. When we feel that whatever happens is auspicious, we live in celebration of eternal bliss.