Handling violence in children

Posted on by Teo Siew Yong

Violent kids

Have you noticed that kids are getting very violent these days?
Has your child been bullied in school?
How you do handle violence in your children?

I am seeing a worrying trend in children – that is – an increase in violent behaviors amongst children in school. When my son was in Primary school, he had been bullied a lot by his peers who couldn’t tolerate his bubbly joyful demeanor. He shared with me that his classmates would kick and punch him in different parts of the body. During that period, every night before sleep, I would spend time listening to his daily experience in school and helped him bring completion within him. I also taught him the right context of violence and self-defense as a form of protection. The same bullying continued after he entered into Secondary school, but the only difference was Kai is now capable of protecting himself and he responds from the space of completion. When I came back from India this January after a 3-month spiritual program, I was called to his school by the discipline master and his form teachers regarding an incident which involved my son being bullied in Mandarin class and he retaliated out of self-defense. In that meeting, it was very clear to me that his school has no clue how to handle violence in students effectively at its root and they can only request parental assistance and the so-called student counselling dictated by the Ministry of Education (MOE). In that session, I questioned the system and gave them solutions from spiritual understanding.

How do children develop such aggressive and violent tendency at a very young age?

See, by their nature children are not born violent, this pattern is a learned behavior – meaning they pick up from society in the process of growing up. In the first few years after birth, they live in a pure awareness space called Space of a Child where there is no mind only deep listening and awareness. However, many factors, layers of conditioning from society and incidents started to shape their cognitions about themselves, life and world which are the root cause of a violent pattern. These influences include

  • Parental conditioning: Parents play a vital role in shaping a child’s inner space and behavioral patterns as they are the first 2 beings who have major influence in a child’s formative years. Parents’ patterns and thought currents form the first layer of societal conditioning which is very deep rooted.
  • Agitation from siblings and peers: Quite often the siblings instigated frustration and anger in children that they started to react with violence.
  • Bombardment by media: The negative influence of video games, movies, videos is a big issue as violence is portrayed as a norm to show bravery, power and it is a way of life
  • Lack of spiritual understanding in modern education system: The modern education system is too focused on academic performance and neglecting the importance of a holistic learning system. It lacks the development and awakening of the emotional quotient and spiritual quotient of a human being. This imbalanced learning does not prepare a child to feel the oneness with Nature and people, hence the system is not capable of helping kids to complete with the violent pattern and the teachers are equally clueless in handling extreme violence in some children. Punishment does not work here when there are so much tensions within a child’s inner space. It is only by completion of their agitation, anger and hangovers from the past which can bring them back to their original state of pure awareness and inner peace. The ambience (vatavarana) of the entire education system does not provide a peaceful co-existence in kids.
  • Examination stress and fears: According to my Guru, Paramahamsa Nithyananda (fondly known as Swamiji), he said: “If we can remove examination from the education system, the world will be non-violent.” Understand that it is examination which creates enormous fear and intension within a child that he or she starts to respond with aggression and violence both in the inner world and the outer world. Violence against self is guilt whereas violence against others is anger.

As a mother, I feel so blessed that I am able to find answers and guidance from the spiritual knowledge and the timeless wisdom of Sanatana Hindu Dharma. The first knowledge weapon (shastras) against the illusion (maya) which I received from Swamiji was the Science of Completion (poornatva), a process which helps a child/person to drop the wrong cognitions and bring himself/herself back to the space of completion. The second important knowledge weapon was Sankhya Yoga – the knowledge about the soul and why we can never be violated from anything external. The third knowledge weapon was Upanishad, the truth from the Source. This understanding forms the foundation of my very cognition about self, life, world and Universe in the space of Advaita (non-duality) that I am able to help my son and children in Nithyananda Weekend Gurukul to drop the violence inflicted on them from society and how they can also drop the violent pattern.

During Nithyananda Weekday Gurukul lesson on this Thursday, I had a teaching moment to help 2 siblings complete with the violent pattern which they have been suffering from the constant bickering. In the process of completion, I held a space of oneness and possibility for them to raise themselves from the wrong cognitions and lower awareness. I brought them to a space of listening where they were to witness things as it happened and the right cognitions of the bigger picture in life. The communication is at the Being to Being level, not as a teacher to a student, they caught the powerful space of completion as I facilitated the process of completion. Later in the evening, I saw them enjoying each other’s presence. This science should be transmitted to parents and teachers so that they can also bring themselves to the space of completion.

In essence, I feel that it is time the society and the education system should start to recognize that aggression and violence is a growing problem in kids and we need a holistic solution to address this problem quickly. Unless the learning system is centered on awakening one self, the humanity cannot evolve. The only solution is Vedic Learning System – Gurukul. Namaste 😀

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About Teo Siew Yong

Teo Siew Yong draws from over a decade's worth of experience in the Vedic healing arts of Yoga and Mediation to share the sacred knowledge and experiences of self healing and self discovery with people who are ready to look within.