Children respond to your space not words

Posted on by Teo Siew Yong

Do you feel frustrated when your child does not listen to you?
Are you having trouble understanding your child?
Do you wish to have deep communion with your child?

Many parents and caretakers are not aware of the truth that children (age of 7 years old and below) respond to the space you hold for them. So the first thing that parents, teachers or caretakers need to know is that children live in the space of a child – a space of pure awareness and possibility without thinking, judgment and loads of the past. If you have the right understanding, you will begin to learn how to move into the child’s space and relate with them. It is only when both meet in the space of a child that communication can happen. When both child and parents are in the space of completion, a beautiful communion between both parties happens.

After the initiation of the Shivoham Inner Awakening in last December by my master, Paramahamsa Nithyananda (fondly known as Swamiji), experientially I am able to work with children from the space of completion. From my personal experience after having worked with children for the last 4 years in Nithyananda Bala Vidyalaya and now in Nithyananda Weekend Gurukul, I discovered the miraculous power of space. As a teacher, when I hold a strong space of possibility for them, they simply respond to the space and start transforming.

I like to share a few real-life happenings which demonstrated the power of space.

  • There is a child with special needs. He was diagnosed with autism and seizure by the doctor and sometimes he goes through episodes of fits which requires him to be under certain medication. Initially, when he first came to the Yogam center for Nthyananda Bala Vidyalaya program in May this year, he used to be so disruptive and restless. He would throw things around and sometimes scream uncontrollably in an emotional outburst. It was literally impossible to engage him in any of the lesson activities, not even art activity. When his mother asked me if I allowed him to attend the kids program every Sunday, I just trusted the space of completion and the energy field of Yogam Center created by Swamiji. So in each lesson, I just held the space of possibility for all the kids and I let him be a part of the class. He was given the complete freedom to participate in all the activities as long as he did not disturb other kids. After 3 months, he was able to respond to me when I asked for a Hi-five. I was ecstatic by his response with a smile. After 4 months, his mother shared with me that she was amazed by the fact that he was able to sit through the 2.5-hr class every Sunday and he didn’t have a fit episode for 4 months. We discovered that he is calmer and happier than before. His mother is very grateful to Swamiji and this program for it allows her child to mingle with normal children without any social inhibition. She also learned never to give up on her child and his highest possibility. This experience taught me so much about the power of space, even for children with special needs, they respond only to the space you hold for them. In the space of completion, tremendous healing happens and new possibilities open up for the parents as well as the child.
  • Here is another child who has flowered so beautifully just by holding a powerful of space for him. When he first came to the kids program, he would only sit on his mother’s lap and not speak out. He only whispered into his mother’s ear and she had to convey his answer. After a few months, he was able to attend the class by himself. This child has a peculiar anger pattern especially if he does not get what he wants. Being the only child, he pretty much gets away with it. Whenever the situation triggers his anger pattern, he will either cry into a withdrawal mode or he becomes violent by destroying things around him. Many times, this pattern came out during the class or the play with other children. The great thing with these initiated children by Swamiji is that he is aware of his pattern but he is not able to control himself because of the strong muscle memory of anger which has been strengthened over the years. In the authenticity lesson, I reminded him about his authentic spiritual identity which is a blissful being and what he expresses is not aligned to his true identity. Recently, his parents shared that his anger pattern has reduced tremendously and he is able to snap out of it very quickly as compared to before. By holding a space of possibility for him and giving him the understanding of the spiritual principles of integrity and authenticity, he has become more matured and less self-centred.
  • There is another child who used to be very dependent on his mother to do his homework and he would not even take the responsibility to attempt it by himself. His mother also shared that he always would cry in powerlessness that he couldn’t do it or complete the homework on time. So in one of the lessons, I pointed out his wrong cognition, and aligned him back to the principle of authenticity. Here is the thing – whenever we speak from the space of completion, the child will not feel that we are scolding him/her, in fact in the space, they know it is done with authenticity without any judgment so that they are able to transform and evolve spiritually. The moment he grasped the truth, he started changing his habit. His mother later came to report that he is now able to finish his homework by himself before she gets home from work. The next amazing thing shared by his mother was that he started stretching himself more by completing some of the IQ puzzles which he had put off for months because of his perceived difficulty. He even stopped playing video games after learning about  the negative effects on his consciousness! All these transformations can happen if we align the child’s thinking to integrity, authenticity and responsibility from a space of their highest possibility.

I could go on and on with many more miraculous transformations and inner flowering of children which made my life so meaningful and fulfilling. But the real crux of this sharing is that if we, adults, understand the science of space and learn how to be in the space of completion, we will be able to bring up extraordinary children who are not only centered within themselves but also highly creative and dynamic leaders of the future! Namaste 😀

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About Teo Siew Yong

Teo Siew Yong draws from over a decade's worth of experience in the Vedic healing arts of Yoga and Mediation to share the sacred knowledge and experiences of self healing and self discovery with people who are ready to look within.